04.13.07
What Would YOU Do?
What Would YOU Do — if you were an all-good, all-powerful parent?
If I was an all-good and all-powerful parent, my children wouldn’t need ‘faith’ to believe in my existence and care. They’d have knowledge of my existence and care because I’d literally be with them, communicating with them (audibly – if they so desired) and helping them.
If I was an all-good and all-powerful parent, I wouldn’t add to my childrens’ suffering and maintain their new level of suffering for an eternity. I’d invite my children into my heavenly home and give them the freedom to come and go as they please.
If I was an all-good and all-powerful parent, I wouldn’t use punitive measures to bring justice to all. (That’s for parents with limited powers.) I’d reveal to my children a fuller awareness of themselves, educating them about the good and bad they’ve done, and plan to do. I’d explain to them their motives for desiring to behave badly. I’d show them how their bad behavior can hurt others, and help them imagine what that hurt would feel like. (I say “can hurt others” because I’d protect my children from being hurt by their siblings.)
Then, I’d appeal to all the good that remains within them instead of appealing to their bad nature. I’d use compelling positive reinforcement instead of fear. And I’d do this in a way only an all-good, all-powerful parent could.
WWYD
03.20.07
Quote of the Day
“I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.” – James Thurber
02.12.07
Baby Challenges Novel Writing
I look at Emma and somehow I feel challenged to make sure my novel gets done. I want her to be able to read a finished product in the future.
Maybe it would help if I imagined her goading me like baby Stewie goads Brian the dog in this Family Guy clip:
What Will I Teach Emma About Religion?
First of all, I’m not necessarily into parental curriculums. I want to get to know Emma and respond to who she is. But if she is curious about religion, I’d like to teach her to train herself how to think critically. That means ceaselessly asking questions like “Why?” and “What exactly is that?” and “Where did that come from?” and “How do you know that?”
I know I’m setting myself up for alot of work by helping my child develop a critical mind because I’ll be teaching her to be my greatest challenger. She’ll grow up seeing and hearing me reveal my thoughts and feelings about everything. I could be challenged on everything! And as tough as that may be, what a great teaching context that is.
I recognize that through any of Emma’s challenges, she may find out alot about WHAT I think along with HOW I think. Here’s some things she may find out about what I think about religion (and a couple of “how’s”):
- What – If a God who is creator of all threatens you with the ultimatum – I’ll send you away from my heart into a never-ending life of suffering if you don’t love me above all others - THIS God is NOT “omnibenevolent” and DOES NOT love you “unconditionally”.
- What – Worshipping the ineffable is worshipping the unthinkable.
- What – There’s a personal reason religious people say what they say.
- What – The “Afterlife” is not worth any living sacrifice in the present.
- What – There’s both an optimistic and a pessimistic version of people’s religion.
- How – If you could imagine two of you, make them role-play as the hero and villain of a religion. Then ask yourself, “How can the use of justice be improved in this religion?”
- How – When religious people say you “should” do something, ask for a reason that other people who don’t share the same religion would agree with.
02.11.07
Family Guy
While Becky and I show off our beautiful grrrl to everybody, it’s interesting to hear the comments from people when they hold Emma in their arms and talk about family life. They’ll talk about their experiences raising children and ask how ours has been developing. And then, some, will comment on how it wasn’t long ago that I was looking and sounding like someone far from this experience.
People often commented on my singlehood before I met Becky. Some wondered if I was gay because they didn’t see me dating girls (I guess they thought I’d hide my boyfriends somewhere). I often say I was a “hermit” for a number of years, even though hermits rarely live in cities. I was definitely a loner.
People got confused when I answered their concerns about me with, “I’m not closed to getting married in the future.” They’d follow with a look on their face that said, “Then, get on with it!” So I’d say, “But I’m not on the hunt, either.” Which would frustrate them as well. I didn’t run away from girls. I had plenty of friends that were girls, but I found myself enjoying my alone time more than alot of the time I spent with friends. When I’d admit that to others, I became suspicious if they thought I was becoming one of those psycho-killer loners (wouldn’t you wonder if you saw a hint of fear on peoples’ faces when you admitted your reclusive nature).
I was very picky. I wasn’t gonna just get together with any girl. I didn’t know much about what kind of girl I wanted to get romantically involved with, but I was certain what I didn’t want. I knew I wanted someone I thought to be intelligent, someone who had a common-sense/wisdom about the world, someone who was aware, not blinded or chose to blind-fold herself from what was out there or right in front of her face. I wanted someone who I was attracted to, for many reasons. I wanted an independent girl, courageous, yet graceful.
Then I met Becky.
Two to three outings and I was smitten. I found myself calling this grrrl constantly while thinking to myself, “Why am I doing this? This isn’t me. I don’t have feelings for her, do I?” My mind had yet to comprehend what had happened to me. I was in love. I didn’t know it, but it soon became clear.
Not long after being a couple, I admitted to Becky that I felt like we were married. She said she felt the same way. That settled it.
I use to warn family and friends, “I may never get married, I may never have children.” And here I am, a family guy. Today marks the day I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for two years. I’m even more smitten than I was before. And sharing parenthood has also brought Becky and I closer together.
Looking back, I don’t regret or think bitterly about my “hermit days”. If I was still there, I’d be happy, not regretting being single either. But that’s not my destiny. My destiny is a life with a beautiful, intelligent woman and a cute daughter. It’s been a great journey, a journey that gets better with age.
02.08.07
Baby Dreamer
I’ve been told, babies are constantly in REM sleep when they sleep. Meaning, they are always dreaming when they sleep. Which makes me wonder — what are they dreaming about?
I’ve seen my little Emma show a variety of facial expressions when she is dreaming. I’ve also heard her make some interesting noises while she sleeps, too. There are the simple smiles and cries, but they’re varied in kind. Our dreaming usually involves material from our experiences. So, what kind of dreams could a baby make from experiences gathered for only one, two, or even three weeks?
01.28.07
Another Reason to Love Wisdom
While Becky was pregnant I kept on wondering (and mentioning to others), “What personality has entered my home?” And now that Emma is slowly unfolding her personality I’ve been trying to sharpen my listening skills. I so badly want to know who she is.
It is a wise father that knows his own child. – William Shakespeare
01.23.07
Coaching My Champ
So we wouldn’t forget, Becky and I both decided to write about our time at the hospital when our family of two became a family of three.
We arrived at the hospital at 1:30 p.m. We found out she was dilated at 5-6 cm. The resident doctor asked if Becky wanted the epidural, and Becky said softly, “Yes.” I followed immediately after with a prominent “YES,” revealing my need to protect my love from pain. The doctor saw that our message was clear and said that there was a line up for the epidurals, but it wouldn’t be long.
I got the odd chuckle from doctors and nurses when they saw that I always had my pocket watch in hand, timing contractions, how far they were apart, and how many there were in the last hour. But they didn’t seem to mind when I had all the information about Becky’s record of contractions over the last hour, afternoon, day, or the last couple of days.
At 4pm I began to worry how long it would take for Becky to get her epidural. She could be dilating faster than the epidural line was moving and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it! So I went to find the nurses to communicate my concerns. I know they caught the urgency in my voice but I don’t know if that was the reason they bumped Becky up in the line. Either way I was glad to see that they finally took us up to the delivery room for Becky’s epidural at 5 p.m.
But then, as some of you may have read in Becky’s post, we waited up to an hour everytime (4 times!) after postponements of the epidural. Becky’s first nurse (who stayed the most with Becky) said, “You are, undeniably, the best patient I’ve ever had… and I’m talking about the best out of my good patients.” Becky was awesome. She was an athelete while she worked through her contractions, dilating up to 7 cm.
Finally, the epidural was in, which was another pain hurdle for Becky. The aneasthesiologist was pretty impressed with her too. Not long after, Becky said, “Oooo, this feels nice.” Then we joked about her becoming addicted, or at least — highly recommending the drug to others. With the pain gone, we waited and watched as the moniter revealed a declining blood pressure number.
After her water was broke by another resident doctor, Becky was also given some natural hormones to help things along. Eventually, she was fully dilated at 10 cm but still waiting for the baby to move down from a “-1 position”. While we waited, we enjoyed listening to music and watching the monitor spit out rolls of paper revealing a record of her contractions.
At 5:20 a.m. our doctor, with the resident doctor, were prepared to help Becky with her delivery. I so badly wanted to cry while Becky was experiencing the pain of getting Emma out into the world. But she needed a strong, stable partner. She needed a familiar, secure voice beside her. I found this out fast after about the third time of running back and forth from the sink to cool off the damp cloth to wipe her face and forehead. She started pushing early (due to an early contraction) and I was a second or two late for the count. She said, with a sound of desparation in her voice, “You’re not counting!” I never missed a beat after that.
Aside from Becky’s pushing and my counting, crazy Becky found a moment or two to provide a source of comic relief for everyone in the room by commenting on the need to hear that she had been making MORE progress than “a little,” and asked to put the baby back in her pre-labor position. That’s my wife. No wonder why I fell in love with her.
Somewhere in the middle of Becky’s 80 minute labor we also shared an “I love you” between one of the contractions/pushing that reminded us both of the “us” that has been there since two years ago. I kept running my fingers through her hair (the way she likes) and reminded her of how strong she is. Then our doctor grabbed my attention, pointing out that my baby’s head was showing!
I could actually see the great progress Becky was making with her pushes and consoled her with this knowledge through the following contractions. For the last bit Becky was told to make short pushes so she wouldn’t hurt herself more than she needed to. Our talented doctor was truly on top of things. She quickly moved the umbilical cord that was wrapped around the baby’s neck and gently held/helped the baby while Becky pushed our child out.
“IT’S A GIRL!” said our doctor. We were so happy. Becky said, “I wanted a girl!” Then we went on and on about how beautiful she was while tears fell from our eyes. The resident doctor asked if I’d like to do the ceremonial cutting of the umbilical cord. I confidently said, “Yes” and after, the baby was wisked away to be washed by the nurse and checked by our doctor. It wasn’t long and our baby girl, our Emma, was in our arms stealing our hearts.
Becky and I are so happy. This experience of bringing Emma into the world has brought her and I even closer together than we were before.
01.20.07
EMMA and BECKY
On January 18th, 2007 my daughter arrived into this world of ours and stole two hearts in the process. Becky and I are smitten, and more. Where did all these emotions come from?
I never knew I could feel all these feelings. I’m so happy. I’m so in love with our daughter Emmalee Anne, our Emma. How did she do this to me? Food, sleep – they seem trivial compared to having Emma sleep on my chest. Sometimes, when I think about how much I love her, I wanna just cry because I’m so happy to have her in my life.
Just look at those two. They have such a great relationship. And I know they will keep getting closer while Emma grows into a young woman. Becky’s eyes reveal so much motherly love for Emma.
My poor, lovely Becky. She’s so tired and sore from the hard, hard labor, too. I was there, helping Becky count through the pushes, tapping her legs as a quick non-verbal reminder that her legs need to be relaxed while she pushes her lower back against the bed and cradles her torso around the uterus to push hard — and push hard she did! Becky was an athelete, a champ! 1 hour and 20 minutes of working harder than she’s ever worked in her life. I’m so proud of her. And I’m so proud of Emma. I feel like the proudest Daddy/Husband on the planet.
