August 24, 2006

My Orwellian Church Experience

Posted in church, politics, psychology of religion, scripture, theology at 9:43 am by Jerry

Welcome to Big Brother Church! The place where you’ll be taken care of.

Our sermon topics for the year:

  • Faith is the highest intelligence.
  • All forms of pride conflicts with humility.
  • Don’t preach without a penis.
  • Every sperm is sacred.
  • Weakness is better than strength. (Because God is said to reveal more of his strength where you are weak. So, stay weak otherwise God won’t reveal his strength!)
  • This world is a means to the end.
  • God can only create good out of nothing, and humanity can only create evil out of nothing.
  • Love of money is the root of all evil.
  • Tithing is giving to God, not the Pastor.
  • The bigger the church building, the better we serve our community.
  • Christianity is free.
  • The bible is a science textbook.
  • The bible is an encyclopedia.
  • The bible is God’s fax.
  • The Good News is “A man was executed by being tortured to death. If you don’t think he is also God who came back to life, you will suffer forever in the afterlife. So believe and be saved!”
  • “Fear” and “Reverence” are synonymous.
  • Love people for who you want them to be.
  • Unity = Conformity
  • All Christians are close friends.
  • Coincidences are miracles.
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